Quick Answers to 15 Common Christian Dating Questions

Dating is one of the most frequently asked-about areas of the Christian life. For many believers, it is filled with hope, longing, sometimes confusion, and at times even fear. But beneath all the practical questions lies a central issue: how do we follow Christ faithfully in this season while looking toward marriage? Below we’ll consider common questions Christians have about dating, and answer them with Scripture and an unwavering focus on Christ.

1. What is the purpose of dating for a Christian?

The purpose of dating is not entertainment, nor is it a consumeristic pursuit of self-fulfillment. For the Christian, dating is a path of discernment toward marriage. Paul exhorts us: “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). Dating, then, is to be lived under the lordship of Christ, with the aim of discerning whether this is the person with whom you can glorify God in the covenant of marriage. Marriage is the covenantal context God designed for companionship, intimacy, and mission (Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:22–33). Dating, therefore, is temporary, purposeful, and aimed at discerning if this person is the one you will marry.

2. Should Christians date non-believers?

Scripture speaks clearly: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). This is not arbitrary or ambiguous. To unite your life with someone who does not share your deepest allegiance to Christ is to pull in opposite directions. Amos 3:3 asks, “Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?” If the foundation of your life is Christ, and theirs is not, the trajectory will be divided. God calls Christians to marry “in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39) and while it’s a honorable thought to try to “date missionally” there’s a high danger to it. Christians ultimately should not date non-believers, since dating is the path to marriage.

3. How do I know if I am ready to date?

Readiness to date is less about age and more about maturity. Are you growing in Christlikeness, rooted in His Word, and walking in obedience? Ephesians 5:1 calls us to be “imitators of God, as beloved children.” If dating is oriented toward marriage, then readiness means you are pursuing maturity in Christ and cultivating the kind of faith, humility, and responsibility needed for covenantal commitment. Ask yourself: Can I sacrificially love another (Ephesians 5:25)? Can I submit my desires to Christ (Galatians 2:20)? Readiness to date begins with readiness to obey Christ.

4. What qualities should I look for in a potential spouse?

The world tells us to look for attractiveness, charm, or success. Scripture points us deeper. Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” Similarly, a godly husband is marked not by worldly power but by sacrificial love (Ephesians 5:25) and sober-mindedness (1 Timothy 3:2). Look for humility, faithfulness, teachability, love for Christ, and the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23). External attraction may have a place, but spiritual maturity must be the anchor.

5. How far is too far physically in dating?

Scripture does not give a checklist of physical boundaries but calls us to holiness. “This is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality” (1 Thessalonians 4:3). The marriage bed is to be honored and kept pure (Hebrews 13:4). Therefore, anything that stirs sexual passion or imitates marital intimacy before marriage is stepping into territory God has reserved for covenant union. The wise Christian asks not “how far can I go?” but “how can I glorify God with my body?” (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). Until you are married, you can think of it as dating someone else’s future wife.

6. How should Christians approach emotional intimacy in dating?

Just as physical intimacy is designed for marriage, emotional intimacy must be stewarded with wisdom. Guarding your heart (Proverbs 4:23) means pacing emotional vulnerability in proportion to commitment. To open the deepest places of your soul prematurely can bind you in ways that cloud discernment. The pattern of covenant in Scripture is commitment before consummation, not vice versa. Share, grow, and enjoy companionship, but remember that emotional bonds are meant to deepen in step with covenantal promises.

7. What role should community and the church play in dating?

Dating is not a private experiment but a journey that belongs in the light of community. Proverbs 11:14 reminds us, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Your church family can offer wisdom, accountability, and perspective you cannot see alone. Hebrews 3:13 calls us to “exhort one another every day.” Invite trusted believers, mentors, and pastors to walk with you, ask questions, and even challenge you. Marriage is a covenant within the body of Christ, and dating should be pursued with the body’s wisdom.

8. How should Christians think about singleness while dating is delayed or uncertain?

Singleness is not a curse, but a calling to undivided devotion. Paul writes, “The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32). Singleness is not wasted time but kingdom time. It is a season to grow deep roots in Christ, serve the church, and cultivate maturity. Dating may or may not lead to marriage, but singleness is always an opportunity to cling to Christ and reflect His sufficiency.

9. How do I guard against idolatry in dating?

Romans 1 warns us that our hearts are prone to exchange the glory of God for created things. A relationship, even a good one, can become an idol if it takes the place of Christ. Jesus reminds us: “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10:37). This principle extends to romantic love. Guard your heart by worshiping Christ first, submitting your desires to Him, and remembering that no spouse can carry the weight of being your savior. Dating must serve the glory of God, not replace it.

10. How do I break up in a way that honors Christ?

Not every dating relationship will lead to marriage. If clarity reveals that marriage is not wise, ending the relationship is an act of obedience. Romans 12:18 exhorts, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Speak truthfully, with gentleness and respect (Ephesians 4:15). Avoid blame-shifting or cruelty. Ending a relationship should still display the fruit of the Spirit. Remember that you are brother and sister in Christ before you are ever boyfriend or girlfriend.

11. Should Christians use dating apps?

Technology is neither inherently good nor evil, it is a tool. The question is whether it is used in wisdom and holiness. Boaz and Ruth did not meet on an app, but they met through God’s providence. Dating apps may expand opportunities, but they also tempt toward consumeristic, image-based approaches to relationships. James 1:5 calls us to seek wisdom from God. If an app is used prayerfully, under community accountability, and with Christ at the center, it may serve His purposes. But guard against treating people as products.

12. How long should Christians date before marriage?

Scripture gives no fixed timeline, but it does call us to wisdom. Prolonged relationships without clarity can lead to unnecessary temptation. Song of Solomon 8:4 warns, “Do not awaken love until it pleases.” The purpose of dating is discernment, not indefinite companionship. Once clarity about marriage emerges, prolonged delay is unwise. The length of dating should be long enough to discern but not so long that it fosters compromise.

13. How do we keep Christ central in dating?

Keeping Christ central means prayer together and apart, regular engagement in the Word, worship with the church, and obedience in purity. Colossians 3:17 says, “Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus.” This transforms dating from self-focused romance into Christ-exalting companionship. A relationship centered on Christ will not only ask, “Do we enjoy each other?” but “Do we help each other love Christ more?”

14. How do I discern God’s will in dating?

God’s will is revealed first in His Word. His commands set the boundaries: marry only in the Lord, pursue holiness, honor Christ. Within those boundaries, wisdom is applied. Romans 12:2 calls us to be transformed by the renewal of our minds so we can discern God’s will. Pray for wisdom (James 1:5). Seek counsel (Proverbs 15:22). Observe character over time. God’s will is not a hidden puzzle but a life of obedience within His revealed Word.

15. What hope is there if I have failed in dating?

The gospel speaks directly to our failures. Many carry shame from past sins or unwise relationships. But hear Paul’s words: “Such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 6:11). In Christ there is cleansing, renewal, and hope. Failure in dating is not final. The blood of Christ redeems and restores. Begin again, not in self-condemnation, but in the grace of God, walking forward in holiness.

Dating is not ultimate, Christ is. Marriage itself is not ultimate but it points to Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:32). In dating, then, our calling is not simply to find a spouse but to glorify Christ, obey His Word, and walk faithfully in His grace. Whether single, dating, or married, the great aim of life is this: “to know Christ and the power of his resurrection” (Philippians 3:10). Hold fast to Him, and He will guide your steps.