Questions to Ask on a First Date as a Christian

Every relationship, whether it lasts a month or a lifetime, should be lived under the lordship of Christ. The goal isn’t just to find someone to hang out with or fill some emotional gap. It’s to pursue holiness together, test character, and see if this is someone you could one day marry.

That might sound heavy, but honestly, that’s what dating as a Christian is about! To Learn whether this is a person you can walk through life with while following Jesus side by side. And when it becomes clear that someone isn’t that person, it’s best to be honest, kind, and call it off. It’s not unloving to end things. In fact, it’s one of the most loving things you can do if marriage isn’t where things are headed.

But how do you get to that point? How do you figure out whether this person’s heart is pointed in the same direction as yours? One of the best ways is by asking good questions, and I mean real ones that get past surface-level conversation and into who the person really is.

Here are some great questions for a first date to help you do that. You don’t necessarily have to ask them all in one sitting, but over time, these can help you see where someone’s at spiritually, emotionally, and relationally.

1. What’s your testimony?

This is a great question early on. It’s not about checking boxes or testing someone’s theology, but just hearing how they came to know Jesus and what their walk with Him looks like now. Listen for genuine love for Christ, not just religious talk. You’ll learn a lot about someone’s heart from how they describe God’s work in their life. Remember, being a Christian is not about consistent church attendance but having a changed heart, a new life, and a love for God.

2. What are your goals for a relationship?

This helps you see if they’re dating just to have fun or if they actually have a purpose behind it. It’s okay if they don’t have a ten-point plan for marriage, but it’s important that they view relationships through a biblical lens, something that leads toward commitment not just casual dating.

3. How do you spend your time outside of work or school?

You can tell a lot about someone’s priorities by how they spend their free time. Do they use it to rest, grow, and serve, or is it just filled with endless entertainment? This isn’t about being judgmental, but you want to know if the person you’re with has a balanced life and makes space for the things that matter most. Is this person ambitious? Do they lead and serve well?

4. What role does the church play in your life?

This one is huge. A healthy Christian life can’t exist apart from the local church. Ask how they’re involved and if they serve, attend regularly, have community, and enjoy spending time with other believers. Someone who loves Jesus will love His church. If they’re not connected or just say they “attend church online”, that’s something to pay attention to.

5. What are some non-negotiables for you in a relationship?

Everyone has certain things that matter deeply to them. For Christians, the main non-negotiables should be faith, integrity, and shared values. But there can also be personal things, like communication styles or lifestyle preferences. Talking about these early helps prevent major misunderstandings later and gives you a great understanding of what they value most.

6. What was your upbringing like?

Family shapes us more than we realize. This question helps you understand where someone’s coming from like how they were raised, what kind of family culture they experienced, and what they learned about love and conflict growing up. It can also give you empathy for their story and a better sense of how they might approach relationships.

7. Are you close with your parents or siblings?

How someone relates to their family often says a lot about how they handle relationships in general. You’re not looking for perfection as many people come from hard family situations, but it’s good to know whether they’ve made peace with their past and how they handle family dynamics.

8. What do you hope to accomplish in life?

This is where calling and direction come in. Does this person have a sense of purpose under God’s will? Are they pursuing something that brings glory to Him, whether through career, ministry, or serving others? You want to be aligned in where your lives are headed, not just emotionally but missionally.

9. What have you been reading in the Word?

This question gives you a glimpse into their relationship with God right now. It’s not about Bible trivia but it’s about whether they love the Word and are growing in it. You can learn a lot by how they talk about what they’re reading and how it’s shaping them. If you’re in a place where you’re reading this now and thinking “I haven’t been reading the word”, start today! Consistent bible reading is one way we can really grow to understand who God is and what he desires for our life, namely to turn from our sin and trust in his son as the sacrifice for our sin (1 John 2:2), but the bible also contains all that we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).

10. What characteristics do you look for in a future spouse?

This opens up an honest conversation about expectations. What kind of partner are they hoping for, and does that line up with who you are and what you value? It also gives you a sense of how seriously they view marriage and what spiritual and emotional traits they prioritize.

Closing Thoughts

Dating can be exciting and confusing all at once, but questions like these help you stay grounded. They remind you that relationships are not just about chemistry or fun, but about growing in holiness, wisdom, and discernment.

If you’re dating, keep Christ at the center of your conversations. Ask real questions. Listen carefully. Be honest about what you’re looking for, and trust God to lead you. His plan is always better than anything you could script for yourself.

If you need help or extra guidance by way of asking questions or being intentional, definitely check out the Ruth & Boaz app!