Is It OK To Live Together Before Marriage?

Whether it’s OK to live together before marriage is one of those questions that comes up a lot, and honestly, it’s tough because the culture around us speaks into this so loudly. You probably know couples who live together before marriage, and it’s so normal today that it almost feels strange to question it. A survey from Barna found that 65% of Americans see cohabitation as a good idea, and 41% of practicing Christians agreed. But as Christians, we have to step back and ask: what does God actually want for us?

What the Bible Actually Says

People often call this “cohabitation“, but the Bible doesn’t explicitly use the word cohabitation. That said, it talks a lot about marriage, sex, and holiness, and those principles help guide us.

• In Genesis 2:24, marriage is described as two becoming “one flesh” after they leave their families and commit to each other. That covenant commitment comes first then the shared life and intimacy.
• Hebrews 13:4 says: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” In other words, God designed sex and shared life to be within marriage.
• And in 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5, Paul says God’s will for us is holiness, specifically avoiding sexual immorality.

So while the Bible doesn’t spell out “don’t live together before marriage,” it does make clear that intimacy is meant to come after the marriage covenant.

A Few Things to Think About

If you’re a Christian wrestling with this, here are some angles that might help:

1. What’s the purpose?
   Are you living together to “test drive” the relationship? If so, that’s not the same as the covenant God designed for marriage. Testing something assumes you can walk away if it doesn’t meet expectations. Marriage, on the other hand, is about commitment before God.
2. Temptation is real.
   Even if you say, “We won’t cross boundaries,” living together puts you in a place where it’s really hard not to. God doesn’t just tell us what not to do, He also tells us to avoid situations that lead us there (Ephesians 5:3). You are or would be putting yourself in a very dangerous position spiritually, where the Proverbs say, “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?” (Proverbs 6:27)
3. What message does it send?
   Living together before marriage tells others (and maybe even tells yourself) that you don’t need God’s design for relationships. Part of our calling as Christians is to live in a way that reflects Christ to others, even if it’s countercultural. We are called to be a good witness to hte watching world and show them what love and purity looks like.
4. What actually lasts?
   The world says love is about passion and compatibility. The Bible says it’s about covenant, sacrifice, and pointing to Christ’s love for His church (Ephesians 5:25–32). Looks, passion, and circumstances change. But a covenant relationship built on Christ endures. Plus studies shows you have a 34% higher chance of getting divorced if you live together before marriage so it actually has the opposite affect.

Real-Life Stuff

Let’s be honest: sometimes living together seems practical. Rent is expensive. You want to spend more time with your significant other. Or maybe you think it’s the logical step before engagement.

But here’s the thing: convenience isn’t the same as covenant. Plenty of couples who cohabit still break up. And for those who do get married, many say they wish they hadn’t lived together first, because it brought in habits or doubts that carried into marriage.

When Jesus calls up to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow him that is often inconvenience and costly.

So, Is It “OK”?

From a biblical standpoint, living together before marriage really doesn’t line up with God’s design. The risk of sexual temptation, the lack of covenant, and the witness it gives all push in the other direction. The bible says whatever is not done in faith is sin.

But here’s something important: this isn’t about God wanting to ruin your fun. It’s about Him wanting something better for you. He wants a relationship marked by holiness, commitment, and the kind of love that actually reflects Christ.

And if someone has already lived with their partner, the gospel still applies: there’s forgiveness, a way forward, and grace to start fresh. God’s mercy is bigger than our mistakes.

But when someone asks, “Is it OK to live together before marriage as a Christian?” I’d say: it may be culturally normal, but it’s not biblically faithful. God’s way may feel harder at times, but it leads to deeper joy, stronger marriages, and a life that glorifies Him.

If you’re dating and serious about each other, it’s worth having honest conversations about this. Invite your church community into the journey. Don’t rush into convenience — lean into commitment.

Because at the end of the day, the goal isn’t just to share an apartment. The goal is to build a covenant that reflects Jesus.